I know we’re already a week into 2017, but I’ve been dwelling in the past lately, and I would really like to share my thoughts with you.
I used to be a very positive person. I would always try to find the good in everyone I came across, even if others didn’t like them. I would also never think about myself and how I looked when I was with people society deemed “prettier” than me.
Of course, that was around sixth grade, before all Hell broke lose. (Meaning High School.)
In sixth grade, I left public school and started at a brand new private school in town. At first, it was great; I made friends quickly, and everyone was kind.
I realize now, the reason I’m so negative now, is because of the influence pretty much all of those people that I originally thought were perfect had on me.
I still go to that school. (Even though I’m now a Junior!) I’m still in school with all of those people. (We’ve only had one graduating class, and I never really hung out with them.) I have three best friends at school, and they are my best friends outside of school, and they really bring out the best in me.
In the past, as in the past year or two, my generation has immersed itself in what some would call “playful banter,” but I know it to be “self-deprecating humor.” In 2016 especially, I could look at a trash can and laugh, saying, “Ha! Me.” I could mess something up in class, something super minor, and say, “Wow, I hate myself!” or, “LOL, kill me.”
In 2017, I’m stopping that.
In 2017, I’m stopping that negative “humor.”
Because it isn’t humor if you start to believe it.
I don’t want to keep believe lies I tell myself. When I look in the mirror, I want to say, “Yeah, I have acne. Yeah, my hair looks kinda oily, but I am beautiful.”
I’m also going to try to surround myself with only positive people. (Harder thna it sounds, I know.) There are people in my life that I need to cut off, not because I don’t like them, but because they constantly bring me down, and they constantly make me feel like I’m not worth it.
That isn’t healthy, being with those people. Because I am worth it. I’m not the horrible person they make me feel like.
I hope this helped someone out there shine a light on their 2017.