Sudden Loss

A much different topic than what I usually write about, but something happened in the past week that broke my heart. 

A 16 year old boy in my town died of the flu.

Yeah. It shocked me, too.

You probably think I’m overreacting, saying it broke my heart, but his death hurt me. Not because I knew him, because I didn’t, but because a very close friend of mine was his best friend. It hurt me because I saw my friend hurting. She still is.

You don’t hear about people dying from the flu. I’m sure there’s more to the story, and I want to know, but it’s not a question people are ready to hear.

The main thing I keep thinking about is this: what would I do if it had been my sister that died? My best friend? There would have been so much that I hadn’t said that I wish I had, so much I would miss that I had previously taken for granted.

I haven’t done this yet, but I need to. I need to tell everyone I care about, everyone I love, how much I appreciate them. How much they mean to me. Because you never know when their last minute on Earth will be. You never know when you will take your last breath.

What do you do when someone you care about dies? What are some good ways to cope? I want to help my friend, but I don’t know what to say to her. Any advice?



Bad Luck with Boys

Hello, world!

I thought it was appropriate to post this on Friday the Thirteenth as this story has everything to do with bad luck.

I’ve been in relationships in the past, but they’ve always ended poorly. Don’t ask me why, I couldn’t tell you.

My first “boyfriend” was named Robbie. We were together in sixth grade, and we never went on dates, so that’s why I have boyfriend in quotation marks. I thought he was cute and nice, and I was devastated to find out he had been “cheating” on me with a girl named Charlie.

Fast-forward to seventh grade. I had moved schools and thought, “Hey, I can start over now with guys!”

Wow, I’m in seventh grade. The relationships I have this year are gonna be great. (I hope you’re reading that with as much sarcasm as possible.)

I liked a guy named Joseph all of seventh grade. I thought we really had something, too…

…Until he told me he didn’t like me at the end of the year.

I gave up trying at that point. It wasn’t until the summer before freshman year that I really had faith that something could come of a friendship.

I was at a summer kick-off party at church with my friends. We were sitting on the ground eating pizza when he walked in. (I’m going to call him Field Boy to keep this anonymous.) I knew Field Boy through church activities, and we were in the same preschool class, but I just never saw him much since we went to different school. Also, his soccer schedule made it so he was never able to go to church events.

I saw Field Boy pretty much every day that summer, and we spent a lot of time getting to know each other. I started to really like him, and everyone thought that we would be dating by the end of the summer.

The Sunday before we started school, I told him how I felt. He said that he didn’t want to date while he was in middle school (he got held back in elementary school, so he’s a grade behind me), but he told me, “Next year, okay?”

Then in the middle of November, he came to church with a girl.

It felt like my world was crashing down in front of me as I watched them sit together. Why could I never keep a guy? Field Boy played with my heart, acting like we would be together at some point.

His relationship with that girl didn’t last for a long time, but he didnt talk to me for two months after they broke up. I’m not sure why, and I don’t think I ever will be. 

The next summer, 2015, was just like old times, and so was last school year and summer of 2016. But then we chaperoned a middle school mission trip, and even the middle schoolers thought we would be dating by the end of the summer, or even the trip! 

I don’t know what’s going on with us now because he has hardly been at church, but I really hope everything between us is okay. I know it’s been two years, but I still like him. Not as much as I used to, of course.


New Years Resolutions

Hellos, world!

I know I briefly touched on one of my Resolutions in my last post, but I thought I would put down my other Resolutions.

Top 4 New Years Resolutions:

1. Take care of my body. I don’t mean to work out (cause Lord knows I won’t). I mean to eat better. I used to eat junk food all the time, probably because I don’t know the difference between actually being hungry and boredom.

2. Take care of my mind. This year, I really want to work on clearing my mind and reducing my stress.

3. Don’t get involved in pointless drama. My school is very small, so I get roped into a lot of pointless drama. It brings me down, seeing my friends talk about each other even if they don’t mean what they’re saying. Most of the drama is just based on hearsay, and a lot of the time, the gossip isn’t even true.

4. Don’t be negative. See my last post for this explanation.

5. Focus on YouTube. Yes, I have a YouTube channel. No, I am not going to say what it is. (This is an anonymous blog, after all!) I haven’t been giving my YouTube channel much thought lately, but this year, I want to start posting on it regularly.

I hope this maybe gave you ideas for your New Years Resolutions!


Reflecting on the Past

Hello, world!

I know we’re already a week into 2017, but I’ve been dwelling in the past lately, and I would really like to share my thoughts with you.

I used to be a very positive person. I would always try to find the good in everyone I came across, even if others didn’t like them. I would also never think about myself and how I looked when I was with people society deemed “prettier” than me.

Of course, that was around sixth grade, before all Hell broke lose. (Meaning High School.)

In sixth grade, I left public school and started at a brand new private school in town. At first, it was great; I made friends quickly, and everyone was kind.

I realize now, the reason I’m so negative now, is because of the influence pretty much all of those people that I originally thought were perfect had on me.

I still go to that school. (Even though I’m now a Junior!) I’m still in school with all of those people. (We’ve only had one graduating class, and I never really hung out with them.) I have three best friends at school, and they are my best friends outside of school, and they really bring out the best in me.

In the past, as in the past year or two, my generation has immersed itself in what some would call “playful banter,” but I know it to be “self-deprecating humor.” In 2016 especially, I could look at a trash can and laugh, saying, “Ha! Me.” I could mess something up in class, something super minor, and say, “Wow, I hate myself!” or, “LOL, kill me.”

In 2017, I’m stopping that.

In 2017, I’m stopping that negative “humor.”

Because it isn’t humor if you start to believe it.

I don’t want to keep believe lies I tell myself. When I look in the mirror, I want to say, “Yeah, I have acne. Yeah, my hair looks kinda oily, but I am beautiful.”

I’m also going to try to surround myself with only positive people. (Harder thna it sounds, I know.) There are people in my life that I need to cut off, not because I don’t like them, but because they constantly bring me down, and they constantly make me feel like I’m not worth it.

That isn’t healthy, being with those people. Because I am worth it. I’m not the horrible person they make me feel like.

I hope this helped someone out there shine a light on their 2017.


Rainy Days

Hello, world!

Right now it’s raining, and I need to say what’s in my mind on this rainy day.

I don’t like rainy days. I won’t say I hate them, because I don’t. I like hearing the rain fall outside when I’m laying in bed; it helps put me to sleep. But if it’s raining while I’m at school, I feel like everything and everyone needs to be in a sad, bitter mood.

I never know what to do on a rainy day in the summer time because I want to curl up in a big, fluffy blanket and drink hot cocoa or coffee. I can actually do that now that it’s winter.

I love to read. I read (or write) whenever I can. I’m also an actual child trapped in a sixteen year old’s body, so you bet I read all the “kid” books. By saying that, I’m not referring to the actual children books. I’m talking about stuff like “The Land of Stories” by Chris Colfer, or “Kingdom Keepers” by Ridley Pearson. I just started rereading the latter, which I originally only finished the first three books, and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.

It’s books like those that really help me calm down after a possibly stressful day. The greatest book series to read on a rainy day, all series considered, is the Harry Potter book series. I know I’m not the only one who thinks so.

I’ve read the series through one full time. I’m currently old enough that I would be a sixth year if I went to Hogwarts, so I’m rereading the sixth book, The Halfblood Prince. Give me that and my butterbeer latte brew for the Keurig and I’m all set.

I also love coloring. Before the adult coloring books were a big thing, I literally begged  my mom to buy me a Strawberry Shortcake coloring book. (The cartoon character, not the actual food.) I went home and got through three pages before I decided to watch some TV with my mom. But I could color for hours on end.

I also love to write. I don’t know why, but my creative juices really start to flow on rainy days. I have so much to write, so much I want people to know but never want them to find out. Girls, you know what I mean.

Hope you all enjoyed this post! Leave your favorite books in the comments below!